Smiling Through The Tears

This isn't my typical post and if you don't have a box of tissues handy I would just shop this look and bail because I am bearing my heart in this post. 

What is the definition of denim?

Den-im /'denem/ noun: a sturdy fabric, sometimes distressed or bleach but typically blue. Used for jeans, overalls and other clothing.  

 I am trying to decide if I am like denim. I am trying to be sturdy but I am distressed and definitely blue. For the last month, I have been struggling with the tough decision of putting my dog Woofer down. 

Last Sunday afternoon at about 5:15pm my world stopped as I said goodbye to my very best friend and fur baby. May 21 will go down in my heart as the 2nd worst day of my life, only to losing my Father. 

Woofer aka Cody was my 16-year-old baby boy and was the absolute best dog ever. It still breaks my heart to think about the moment I said goodbye but Woofer wasn't in good health. He was blind due to an eye infection and cataracts leading him to sleep all day and struggle to get around day and night. Most nights he would fall into his food and water bowl, run into walls and/or gets stuck behind furniture because he couldn't find his way out. 

He was also dealing with hip dysplasia, causing him to fall into his own feces when he attempted to use the bathroom. He didn't go outside anymore as he was becoming disoriented, so he used pee pee pads inside the house instead.  I use to try and take him outside and sit with him once a day to get some fresh air but his quality of life took a turn for the worse. 

Saying goodbye to Woofer was not a decision I took lightly. It took many long talks with our Vet and to say this was the hardest decision of my life is an understatement. I have had the hardest time with the thought of "playing God." Woofer was my absolute best friend and fur-baby for half of my life. Voluntarily saying goodbye to someone you love unconditionally is a haunting experience.

This sounds terrible to say but I put it in Gods hands, and prayed and prayed and prayed that he would take Woofer peacefully in his sleep but that didn't happen and I couldn't see him suffer anymore. 

Woofer was with me through college, my father's passing, 3 cross country moves and MANY sleepless nights with a newborn. He was my rock. 

I use to love coming home to see those two little black beady eyes waiting patiently on the second stair of our little condo in Boca Raton, Florida. 

My greatest fear is that I have made a terrible decision and those little whimpers I use to love hearing at the swimming pool will haunt me forever. Woofer loved the water and loved to swim. I did what I thought was best for my life-long buddy and I will try to honor him this summer by spreading his ashes at his favorite lake. 

Goodbye, my sweet boy. There will never be another like you.